Bonus points if you get all the 'battle to the death' movie references, and bonus bonus points if you can tell me how to work Tron and Robot Jocks into the mix.
Disclaimer 1: More than any other F.S.I. episode, this one needs to be taken with a grain of salt. While I did use a measuring tape and electronic scales in the field investigation, my methods were far from scientific.
Disclaimer 2: I visited Moo Gourmet Burgers as part of the blogger #BurgerParty, and received freebies including a $10 voucher, champagne on arrival, name tag, and a couple of items of kitchenware.
Disclaimer 3: We don't have a defense of 'satire' for intellectual property infringement in Australia, but, UFC, if you mind my satirical use of your IP... I'll just change it to Ultimeat Biting Chompionship. And that string of puns will do more damage to your brand than any other infringement.
So the judges are busy, but if they'd had to make a call on it here's what they might have said.
1. On the criteria of the burger remaining intact the longest, Moo's burger wins by a long shot. (Moo also provide cutlery, if it comes to that.)
2. Burgerlicious wins on price. Burgers start at $6.90, and you can get a meal deal (burger, chips, drink) from $11.40, which brings the cost of the drink down to about 50c. The store is nice and clean, with one outdoor table available, the burgers are fine and the chips are great.
3. Burger Fuel is a good all-rounder. Marginally the best chips of the bunch, a good range of burgers, and not too expensive ($9.50 - $14.90). The store has a good vibe, a couple of outdoor tables, and is the closest to the city end of King St. (Incidentally, Burger Fuel lists the ingredients of the Bio Fuel as 1/3 pound ground beef. I assume this to mean raw weight, as the cooked weight of 112g is closer to 1/4 pound.)
4. Moo Gourmet Burgers has the largest store, with couches, tables and a back courtyard. Overall slightly pricier than the others ($10.50 to the deluxe $29, with most around the $15 mark). It gets the biggest ethical tick for ingredient-sourcing: while the others use free-range eggs, Moo goes further with all meat free-range. The shakes, while a big pricey ($7), are really good. And you can buy booze.
I rarely eat burgers (what, you thought this was the work of an expert?) but when I next do it will probably be at Moo* for the ease of getting a seat, accompanying beer, and the ethical meat. I also had a good time there at the #BurgerParty and would like to see what their normal standard of service is.
* Of course, today I walked past a place called "Dean's Diner" which has the word "Hamburgers" in big letters on the awning.
[UPDATE: Dean's Diner in the ring -- Newtown Burger Grudge Match.]
Little link to this post: http://tinyurl.com/FSIBurger